Preparing To Say Goodbye Even As I Hug Hello

 

My daughter and I pull up in the five-minute waiting zone outside the bus station. She relays her brother’s text messages to me.

“Bus is running late. I’m hungry”.

I sit gazing through the windscreen. I have not seen my man-son for eighteen months. I remember my swollen eyes as I hugged his taught frame goodbye at the airport, and cannot believe this was over a year ago. I wonder why I am so calm. Where is my feeling of anticipation, of excitement? Oh, could it be because Christmas is in three days, and I am overwhelmed with work, planning, and general busyness? No time to feel!

When I Realised That Being A Parent To An Adult Is Different To Being A Parent Of A Child

 

The glass doors glide silently open. Wearing a dark, pin-striped pencil skirt and stiletto-heeled shoes, I step nervously into the hushed court entrance. My parents, wary and apprehensive, flank me.

I am in shock. I cannot believe where life has brought me. Mum and Dad - my champions - are just as stunned. Borne of the stoic generation, they keep their feelings in check.

‘Setting Limits’ Sets Limits On Children Learning to Discipline Themselves

“It is one thing for a child to want to know the ‘limits of her parents’ acceptance’ and an entirely different thing to say that she wants her parent to set those limits on her behaviour” (Dr Thomas Gordon, Parent Effectiveness Training.P.E.T.).

In all the parenting literature I read, there is one particular phrase that will ensure I skip an article, one concept that is guaranteed to raise my hackles.

Learning to Take The Back Seat As A Parent

 

Three of us are in the car – my young adult son, my learner-driver teenager, and me.

“I’ll supervise”, says my son, and my daughter nods, grinning at him in collusion and trust.

“OK Mum. I’m looking after things, remember?” says my boy. And I see the curve of my daughter’s cheek as she laughs in agreement.

As My Child Moves To Adulthood, Am I Treasuring The Moments? (a short read)

Larissa Dann

Here we are at the beach, my teen and me, taking photos at her request. With my daughter’s permission, I am posting not because of the picture, but because of her.

She is racing to adulthood, and I am barely keeping up.

Grandparents And Grandchildren: Observations From A Parent In-Between.

Larissa Dann

He fumbles open the car door, leans down to grab his stick, then steps precariously across the gutter. She glides to the door, closes it, and peers at me through the smudged glass with a look that she knows I will understand.

“I will look after him, but I’m a bit worried . . .” are the words I translate from her eyes.

FAQs: Seeking A Peaceful/Gentle Parenting Course? Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T)

What is Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T)?

P.E.T is an approach to parenting that helps parents and carers develop a warm, positive relationship with their children . . . for life.

“Without Rewards or Punishment, What Motivates You?” Young People Raised Gently Answer Parents’ Questions.

Larissa Dann

“Bringing up children without rewards or punishment, and no smacking? They’ll be spoilt brats that are entitled and selfish!” So said my mother and her friends when I declared that this was the way I would be bringing up my son, twenty-four years ago. A second child later, and it’s time to reflect.

Just how did this parenting approach impact on my children, and importantly, our relationship, as they matured through childhood, the teen years, and on to adulthood?

What better way to find out, than to ask the young people themselves?

Loving Our Ailing Relatives: Still The Same, But Different.

Larissa Dann

“Take me away from here”, she croaks. “Take me away”.

These are the words my mother say when I first visit her in the nursing home

“I know you don’t want to be here, Mum. You never wished to be in a home. We just can’t look after you at your place”.

Why I Support My Child Pursuing A Career In The Performing Arts

Larissa Dann

'Mum. I really want to study music when I go to University next year.'

I gaze at this young man, my son, so hopeful, so intense. The rational mother wants to say,

'How can you make a living from music? Why not aim for science, or law?'

The emotive, empathic mother wants to listen,

'You love music, and want to see where it takes you'.

What do I say? What do I do?

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